be friends with your ex.
October 2nd 2007 07:05
Be friends with your ex.
Can we really be friends with our exes?
And if so, when? Do we need some time off before moving to the next safe step?
Technically, the first major point is, it all depends on the break-up (makes sense!) and most importantly the reason of it.
Has it been some cheating going on? Has someone been very hurt, or humiliated?
Or is it just the daily routine that somehow worn out the love that used to keep the 2 together?
In an idealistic world, it would be perfect to be friends with the people that were so special to us in a certain time of our lives. At the end of it, beside the romance and the intimacy, they were our best friends!
Unfortunately, it isn’t that easy and despite all efforts to carry on with the friendship, some obscure elements seem to go on the way of the “let’s just be friend” land.
Let’s go back to the start. To make a relationship works, from what I have heard, it needs 2 main ingredients. First, the compatibility between the 2 is very important, despite what we’ve heard about opposite attracts; they do, but never work!
And 2, is the willingness from both sides. If only one is ready to make it work and to make all the efforts, it is already a lost cause!
So remember, wanting something, doesn’t matter how hard to do, if the other isn’t interested to work on the relationship u can already say bye, bye to it!
Can we really be friends with our exes?
And if so, when? Do we need some time off before moving to the next safe step?
Technically, the first major point is, it all depends on the break-up (makes sense!) and most importantly the reason of it.
Has it been some cheating going on? Has someone been very hurt, or humiliated?
Or is it just the daily routine that somehow worn out the love that used to keep the 2 together?
In an idealistic world, it would be perfect to be friends with the people that were so special to us in a certain time of our lives. At the end of it, beside the romance and the intimacy, they were our best friends!
Let’s go back to the start. To make a relationship works, from what I have heard, it needs 2 main ingredients. First, the compatibility between the 2 is very important, despite what we’ve heard about opposite attracts; they do, but never work!
And 2, is the willingness from both sides. If only one is ready to make it work and to make all the efforts, it is already a lost cause!
So remember, wanting something, doesn’t matter how hard to do, if the other isn’t interested to work on the relationship u can already say bye, bye to it!
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Comment by seanriley
A Romantic Enterprise
But assuming all those things are all right, the real issues are external. Once one, or both parties become invlolved with other people, staying friends becomes much more complicated.
In my own experience, my ex and I planned on being friends as we still liked each other, didn't even use any lawyers to get our divorce and were together for 9 mostly good years. But then she started seeing somebody just a few weeks after I moved out.
I had no jealousy, because I wouldn't have wanted to get back together, but felt weird about hanging out if there was going to be any drama with the new guy. Plus, I just thought it was kinda nuts to be starting a new romance just a couple of months after a nine-year relationship. And, while I would date a woman who was still friends with her ex, I would never have an exclusive girlfriend that did. Too complicated.
So, the limitations of being friends with an otherwise cool ex are really going to boil down to the nature of the inevitable new people in their lives, IMHO.